10 Bad Bar Pick-Up Lines

1. How much will a 20 get me?
2. You have a beautiful head. It would look marvelous next to the other ones in my freezer.
3. Do you have a mirror in your pocket because I can see myself in your pants?
4. Did you just come out of the oven because you are hot?
5. Something is wrong with my cell phone... You're number is not in it.
6. It's a good thing I have my library card because I am totally checking you out.
7. I know somebody who likes you and if I weren't so shy, I'd tell you who.
8. What do you like to do for fun because I'm going to ask you out?
9. Do you have a quarter? I told my ex-boyfriend(girlfriend) I'd call him when I found someone better.
10. Did you see my underwear? [No.] Do you want to?

Let me hear some of yours. :D

Spin around until you get so dizzy you fall down. Write about the first thought that comes into your mind.

Ouch! Oh my God, the world is spinning and I no longer am. Holy geez I'm gonna puke. I am seriously gonna puke. Can I make it to the bathroom with the world still spinning? Yeah. Probably. I definitely should not have done this so soon after lunch. Not a good idea. Not a good idea at all. Bad choice Jenn. Lesson learned.

That's all. Have a beautiful day all. Or don't, I guess it's kinda up to you. The hope is there at least.

Some Jenn thoughts

Sometimes I feel like all I want to do is lay down, close my eyes and just dream. Never wake up. Just dream and dream and dream until that's all there is. Eternal dreams. Even if that means wasting away into nothingness. Sometimes I just want to dream, because sometimes, dreams feel better than being awake. Awakeness hurts. Awakeness means sadness and pain. It means sitting down and shutting up because that is what people have come to expect from you. It means holding your tongue because no matter what you say it will not make it any better for anyone. It might make you feel a little better for a moment, knowing that people know how you feel and what you think but then seeing that your thoughts and feelings are hurting those around you makes you wish you had never spoken up, that you had sat down and held your tongue because things are better that way. Aren't they?
People tell me that I need to do what makes me happy, but what if doing that means hurting those closest and dearest to me? What if hurting them makes me unhappy? How can I win? What do I do if every action I make hurts someone? How do I balance those scales? How do I pull evenly on the heartstrings that those around me never let go of? How do I make everyone get along? How do you teach people to forgive and forget? How do you tell them, and make them listen, when you're best at sitting down and shutting up?
I feel as if I have a million different heartstrings being pulled in a million different directions. I have wonderful boyfriend, who I love very much, trying to pull me to him. I have multiple beautiful families, who have and always will be there for me, trying to pull me towards them. I have great friends, who I greatly appreciate, trying to pull me towards them. Then I have me, nothing special, just plain old me, trying to make things work, trying to hold myself together before my heartstrings finally fall apart, before they fray and break and leave me broken and bleeding.
I'm already starting to rip. I can feel it. I feel it in my bones, in my heart, in my gut. I feel the threads being pulled harder and harder and I can't take it. I can't take being pulled so hard. I am strong but I'm not invincible and I need help. I need a way to bring all my strings back together so instead of pulling me apart, they're stitching me together. Instead of turning me into nothingness, they should be stitching a beautiful blanket of warmth and love, compassion and acceptance.
That's what I am trying to do for them. Give them some of my thread to help create and heal their blankets, to help patch the holes and add new squares on their quilt of life. I'm trying to help. I'm trying to give and appease everyone and make them all happy but that's just not possible with the people in my life. It's not possible to make everyone happy all at once. So maybe I should make them all unhappy... Then they'll be united... Right? They'll finally understand how I feel. I'm not talking suicide.
Sometimes I just want to leave, to get in my car and run away and never look back. To go home this semester, save up as much money as I can, sell all my things, and after summer, just leave. Just get in my car with a few items of clothing and all the money I could save, and just leave. Maybe get on a plane and fly away. Fly to amazing places. Maybe I'll go live in the amazon. How warm and beautiful it would be. Go "find myself". Go on an expedition, an adventure. Leave everyone behind. Then I'm not picking favorites. I'm not putting anyone any higher than anyone else. I'm choosing me. I'm choosing to find me and not let anyone have any impact on it. I'm choosing happiness.
Did anyone ever think that maybe I really haven't been choosing favorites at all this whole time? Maybe I've been choosing what I feel everyone should be able to understand because, if you all truly loved me, you would want to see me happy, and maybe doing whatever it is I choose to do, even if it doesn't make you happy right then, knowing that it makes me happy, should be enough. Maybe I don't love anyone more than I love anyone else. Maybe I love you all. Maybe I hate you all and I just want to see the world burn. Maybe I am trying to figure out what I want and what makes me happy while I'm still young. Maybe I'm trying and I'm lost and alone because instead of trying to pull me together and help me, you're all pulling me apart because you all feel that you know what is best, and maybe you do know, any and every one of you, but maybe I need to learn that for myself. Instead of making me feel guilty about it, maybe ALL of you, should let me learn my own lesson. Let me fall and get hurt and then HELP ME BACK UP!!!! Maybe you ALL shouldn't shove me to the ground because YOU KNOW BEST.
Maybe, just maybe, you should learn from me. Put yourself and your hurt out of the equation, and look at it from my side, as I have been doing this whole time. Look at it from the eyes of a 19, almost 20 year old girl, who is lost and confused and trying to find her way in this crazy, grown up, selfish world. Look at it through my eyes, a girl who is in love, with multiple families and lots of friends all thinking of themselves and thinking they know best and maybe you'll see that she needs your help. That all of you don't know best and are only pulling her in opposing directions. That she needs some support and love and for the people she loves to help her, because she's hurting. Because she is lost and afraid and lonely. Because she doesn't want to choose between the people she loves.
Maybe she just needs some understanding. Someone who is willing to understand and help and love her through her mistakes and instead of making her feel bad, and making her feel like she's constantly making the wrong decisions. Maybe she needs them to forgive and move on and learn to help. Maybe she needs the people in her life who care about her the most, her parents, her siblings, her love, to work together, to get over things and work things out and help make her into the person she's supposed to be. Not into a girl who wishes that she didn't have to love anyone, a girl who wishes she had no feelings, a girl who wishes to run away, or fall asleep and never wake up, because she can't deal with the pain anymore.
Maybe you should talk to one another about your complaints and issues and stop going through me because hearing the problems you are too (insert adjective here) to say to one another hurts. It hurts me and I can't do it anymore.
But I can't say this to any of you because I know it will hurt you. I know you will turn around and make me feel bad for saying it. Each and every one of you will turn this back on me or on the ones that I love. I can't say this to you because I need to sit down and shut up. I can't say this, because all of you will tell me that I am wrong or you will blame these problems on others that I love because, of course, all of you can do no wrong. It is always someone else's fault. And because I love all of you more than I love myself, I will take the blame for all of this. I will sit down and I will shut up and I will accept my fate.
Now. Please, blow up my phone with texts and calls about how absolutely wrong I am. Please. I can take it.

Where you wish you were

Sorry there's been a lot of gaps in posts. With finals and holiday's and moving out of my apartment, setting aside time to write has been difficult.

Where I wish I was right now is easy. Right now I wish I was anywhere warmer than here. I wish I was in mid-southern California, chilling in a bikini, soaking up the sun. I wish I was in a tree in shorts and and a tank top, reading a book. I wish I was outside, at night, at the park talking to someone about absolutely nothing and absolutely everything until dawn. I wish I was sitting around a warm bonfire somewhere warm telling stories and jokes with friends, slapping at the mosquitoes on our arms, until 2 am. I wish I was sitting in my bed with my best friend doing nothing but venting and talking and joking and crying and laughing and just enjoying being 19 and happy. I wish I was cuddled up with my love under some warm blankets on my bed watching Star Wars. I wish I was sitting in a rocking chair, all grown up, holding a child that I could call my own. I wish I was on an adventure, discovering the world and all it's wonders. I wish I was sitting with my brother playing Skylanders, messing around and enjoying each other's company. I wish I was with my mom in bed talking and getting upset and questioning things. I wish I was in the kitchen with my other mom talking while we experiment with dinner together knowing that if it goes totally wrong, we can order a pizza. I wish I was on the moon, looking at the earth and realizing how amazing it is that one person can impact a planet so large. I wish I was on the coast feeling the ocean breeze on my face, hearing the waves crash, feeling the sand soft under my feet and the ocean cold over my toes as the sun sets on the horizon. I wish I was any place other than cold and alone, in my bed, studying for biology. I wish I was someplace happy. That's where I wish that I was right now.

Write a story with every sentence starting with a different letter of the alphabet, beginning with A and sequentially ending with Z.

A long time ago there was a boy named, Benjamin. Benjamin was a very curious and clever boy, but he was never described as bright. Curiosity and cleverness was not a good combination for Benjy as it often got him into trouble. Dealing out mayhem wherever he want, Benjamin was often yelled at by adults. Everyone in town knew Benjamin and his various stunts were often spoken of. For while nothing Benjy did was illegal, he was still a nuisance to the townsfolk, especially the shopkeepers. ”Grow up Benjamin!” was a saying often ringing through our young boy’s ears.

 However, one day, a new boy came to town who was about Benjamin’s age. Isaac was his name and Benjamin just knew they were going to be great friends. Jolly and hyper, Benjamin ran to Isaac’s house to meet the new boy. Kristoph’s is where the boys decided to run and cause mayhem first. Loaded up with tons of fun ideas the boys headed out.

 Making mischief at Kristoph’s for old man Leonard was no problem. Noticing how everything on the shelves was alphabetized, the boys decided to switch all the products around, giggling the whole time. Old man Leonard head the giggling and decided to investigate.  Pissed at the boys new arrangement of his items he chased the boys out with a broom.

Questioning what to do next the boys went to the park. Running through the fields and getting muddy by the river seemed like the perfect way to spend the day. Sunny and warm the boys enjoyed the day. Throwing mud at the girls and hearing them scream only added to the fun.

Unsure of how to spend the final moments of their new day the boys rested and ate some apples from the local orchard. Very tired and ready for some sleep the boys decided to head home. Wandering down the road Isaac and Benjamin knew they were going to be the best of friends when they both exclaimed that they wanted ice cream. Xander’s has the best ice cream in town, Benjamin knew, so the boys stopped by for chocolate double scoops. “Yumm” the boys said, enjoying their wonderful cones and heading home for showers and bed. Zzzzz was the sound of the boys gentle snoring all through the night.  

Holy wow. That was a lot harder than I thought it would be...

Boxers or briefs? Discuss.

As a girl, this isn't really a dilemma for me. Boxers are the perfect summertime bed shorts. Period. They are loose and thin and almost like wearing nothing. It's beautiful. Never tried on men's briefs so I don't really have a say there.

Talking about girls' panties though, there are multiple different discussions to be had. There's boyshorts, briefs, thongs, bikini, cheeky, and boybrief. Every girl has different preferences overall and different preferences for trying to impress people and for going out in certain outfits. Those preferences generally also change per generation and body type of course.

Keeping in mind, women change their underwear to account for comfort, time of the month, outfit (can't have a panty line), weather, and mood. There is no type of underwear that can be worn in all situations in my opinion. I don't know how it is for men since I'm not one.

The general consensus from guys I've spoken to is you've got the one type that you like and you stick to it. From women I've talked to, we've all got more than one type of underwear. I'm sure some women only have one type and stick to it but the general consensus of women I know, have generally more than one style.

This only begins discussion of women's underwear though. This doesn't even touch on material, waist height, waistband thickness, and brand. That's a whole new topic to be had.

Anyways. That is my discussion on underwear.

Write a poem about a tomato.

You who was there to comort me
When I wanted both something to eat and to drink
You're a solid and a liquid
The picture-perfect rhyme

You who was there when I came for you
Sitting there patiently in the fridge
With brothers and sisters of your kind
Ready to eat at any time

You who was there are misunderstood
A perfect confusing beautiful food
People say you're a vegetable when you're a fruit
Those who oppose I probably won't shoot

You who was there are red, big and juicy
Acidic and dripping and great with ranch
My lovely tomato you sure are funny
I can't wait to pick you from your plant


That's the best I've got... :D

Write down the inner monologue you have when you sit down to write.

Alright. Here's my topic. "first sentence that comes to mind relating to anything close to the topic". Yeah. I like that. Let's reword it this way. Let everything flow out. Any sentences that come to mind no matter how good or bad they are. 5 sentences down? Nice job Jenn. I like them too. On a roll. I don't like how this one flows. It messes with the rhythm of the paragraph. How about this?...No. This? Little better. Let's swap these words. Almost perfect. Maybe a little more sophisticated language...Yeah. That one. Perfect. Ok.
What comes next? Put yourself in their shoes...Open your eyes. List everything you see straight ahead. Colors... Are there people? What do they look like? Human or otherwise? Are they clothed? Modern, futuristic or ancient? What's behind them? Where are you? What time of day is it? Are there windows? Describe them. Furniture? Describe it. Plants, animals. Now look to your left. What's over there? Anything different from what's straight ahead? Describe it in as much detail as you can. Remember, only you can actually see this. Show the readers exactly what you see even if it sounds redundant. Time for the right. Everything that is in that direction. Write out any thoughts running through your characters head. Do they make sense? Are they appropriate?
Is there anyone with you? What do they look like? Great detail. I want a sketch artist to be able to draw them. Do you know them? How? Why or why not? Do you want to know them? Do you have any feelings towards them? Why or why not? Write out any thoughts running through your characters head. Do they make sense? Are they appropriate?
Smells and sounds. Do you smell anything? Does it bring forth any memories? Mention it but do not go into detail about it. Is there anything else you smell? Great details. What do you hear? Does it remind you of anything. As many adjectives describing the sounds as possible. Metaphors. Is there anything in the background of that first sound? Is there no sound at all? What does this mean? Why those sounds or why no sounds? What does it mean to the character? Where are you? Write out any thoughts running through your characters head. Do they make sense? Are they appropriate?
How do you feel? Physically and emotionally. Have you been hurt? Where? Have you recovered from any injuries recently? How is that recovery going? Are you tired? Energetic? Why? Are you happy or sad or angry or scared? How do you feel? Why? Do you know what's going on? Why? Write out any thoughts running through your characters head. Do they make sense? Are they appropriate?
What happened just before you got here? Were you brought here or did you come here? Why? Where did you come from? Short reason why you were there. What made you leave? Write out any thoughts running through your characters head. Do they make sense? Are they appropriate?
Snack time. Put the laptop down and walk away. Get a drink or snack. See what ideas and sentences flow into your head. Clear out the nonsense. Go back.
Reread.
Edit. Make it flow to your liking. Is it spaced nicely? Does it look appealing? Does it sound right? Does every word work well with the next? Do the sentences all flow into one another? Does it repeat itself at all or sound long winded? Fix all the grammar mistakes. Punctuation. Is there variety in your sentences? Not choppy but not run-ons either.
Advance one moment in time. What happens next? Repeat questions from above. Write out any thoughts running through your characters head. Do they make sense? Are they appropriate?
Repeat until you run out of things to say.

Write a Recipe for Disaster

Disaster Cake

2 sticks Hate

2 cups Anger

3/4 cup Frustration

2/3 tbsp Tears

Salt

2 tsp Sin o’ Men

1.       Preheat emotions to PMS mode high.

2.       In a large bowl mix the 2 sticks hate 30 seconds, until airy. Slowly add 1 ½ cups anger, scraping the sides of the bowl until thoroughly mixed. Add tears and let stir on medium-high for 30 seconds, scraping sides of bowl.

3.       In separate bowl mix salt, frustration, and Sin o’ Men. Slowly add this to mixture from step 2 on slow speed until thoroughly combined.

4.       Place in 8x11.5 pan and put inside body for 30-45 minutes or until toothpick comes out clean.

The weekend in St. Tropez

St. Tropez, France. A place of wonder. A place of movies, music videos, joy, sadness, love. A place of the imagination. A place of dreams. This is my weekend in St. Tropez.

Before even opening my eyes, my first morning in St. Tropez, France, I hear waves crashing in the distance. I can smell the salty ocean breeze blowing through my balcony doors, tempting me to never move again. Just stay here, with the gulls crying and the waves crashing. The breeze gently blowing my hair across my face. It tickles my nose.

There’s a gentle snoring behind me. A warm arm under my neck. A warm man behind my back. Another arm draped across my side. So warm. So comfortable. So happy.

The light streaming the doors makes the room bright. I see my bag sitting on the chair in the corner. Little green suitcase with my smiling monkey duct tape on the top handle. I see Brad’s black backpack on the dresser across the room from mine. His bag is empty. He’s put his clothes in the dresser drawers. Something I never do. Don’t see the point I guess.

I feel my stomach feel growl before I hear it. I think some food is in order. Carefully and quietly as I can so as not to awake my sleeping giant I crawl out of bed, slipping on my slippers and robe, and make my way downstairs for some warm breakfast.

The array this hotel has is amazing. Bright pink watermelon next to beautiful pale orange cantaloupe. Strawberries, cherries, blueberries, apples, oranges, star fruit, mangoes, grapes. Everything, all laid out in a beautiful arrangement, like a rainbow of deliciousness. They have a chef to the left hand side of room making omelets as requested. They smell delectable.

My creative speaking has left me for now. I'll finish this one later.

I didn’t know what was happening at the time.

               There were all these people looking at me and touching me. There were guards by all the doors and windows with guns, big guns, a kind that I’d never seen before. Everything had a bleached smell to it, with a hint of something else. Almost like the bleach was trying to cover something up, something… metallic, something I was very familiar with. Blood. 

               That means I'm not the first one here. I'm not the only one they've had here. Christian... Please, dear God, tell me they haven't put my little brother in here. Please, let him be safe and unharmed. He is all I have. All that is left of the life I used to have. 

Sorry this one is short. Couldn't think of what to write next...

Tell a story that begins with a ransom note

     “$1 million to ever see your daughter again”. It’s 3:30 pm. That’s what the note said, scrawled on yellow lined paper, in handwriting resembling that of a young child’s, blue ink. 8 words. 1 sentence. Amazing the impact that can have on you.

                My daughter has been taken. My baby girl. Maybe not my flesh and blood, but still my child, my angel. 15. She’s only 15. Is she ok? Is she hurt? Is she calling out for me right now? What is she thinking? I wonder if she had a lunch. Silly thought at a time like this. I haven’t even opened my door yet.

                “$1 million to ever see your daughter again”. It’s 3:31 pm. I can’t stop seeing the words written there in front of me. Blue ink. Blue like my eyes. Blue like my heart. This must be a nightmare, a trick. My blue ink eyes must be playing a trick on me. It’s not. I know it’s not, but still I hope.

                I hear screaming somewhere. It’s loud and annoying. I wish it would stop. Whoever is screaming needs to stop. It’s me. I’m screaming. I’m screaming and I’m crying and I can’t stop. My throat and lungs burn with the effort but I can’t stop. Maybe she hears me and knows that I will never stop looking for her. I will get her back. My baby. My angel.

                “$1 million to ever see your daughter again”. It’s 3:32 pm. My daughter. My baby girl. She’s been taken, stolen. By who? To where? For what purpose? $1 million. She’s worth so much more than that. More than those 8 words. Than that blue ink. Than that yellow lined paper. I waited so long, tried so hard to get her, and now she’s been taken. Just like that.

                Things are growing. Maybe I’m shrinking. I want to shrink. To curl up and when I open my eyes, everything will be better. Perhaps I’m being swallowed. By time, by God. Is there a god? Surely not. He’d never let something like this happen. What did I do wrong? It’s hard to breathe. Hard to think. I don’t know what’s happening. The screaming has stopped. People are shouting at me now, crowding in close. I wish they’d leave. Everything is black. Silent. Gone.

                “$1 million to ever see your daughter again”. It’s 3:33 pm. I’ll find you.